Accountability

Way back in prehistoric times, when dinosaurs roamed the earth and I was studying Psychology, I learned a concept called "Locus of Control." Essentially, the polar opposite traits are described as "internal locus of control" and "external locus of control." People with an internal locus of control feel that it is within their power to affect change in their lives, be it positive or negative; whereas people with an external locus of control tend to blame (or thank) external forces such as fate, luck, or authoritative will for what happens in their lives. Of course, as with all personality characteristics, there is a continuum. I think that is a rare person that is 100% in either direction. It is theorized that locus of control is a learned behavior, cultivated in the home and effected by multiple variables including socio-economic status. My own childhood home is an interesting contrast. I, the first child and the only child for 6 years, have always been a responsible person. I have always had what I felt was an internal locus of control. I was internally motivated to study, to be involved, and to set goals and achieve them for myself. If I bombed a test, I didn't curse the horoscope for a bad day, I accepted that it was because I did not study correctly. Don't get me wrong, I do have some great "good luck" rituals, and I love to dabble in Tarot cards and horoscopes, but ultimately, I know that I am accountable for my actions and for my fate. My younger brothers, on the other had, are completely different than I. Until very recently, both lived at home ( they are in their mid-20s), neither have completed college, one has never held a job, and everything in their lives happened "to" them. It has always boggled my mind how we could be so different, being raised by the same parents in the very same environment. I know that I have difficulty relating to people on the opposite end of the spectrum, and get easily frustrated with those that do not take responsibility for their own actions. I encounter this daily with my patient population. The victim mentality is alive and well, and it is a personal pet peeve of mine.

So, imagine my deep chagrin when I noticed the one area in my life in which I have not employed my internal locus of control, my weight and my health. I look at my eating and exercise habits, and the excuses just keep rolling on. It's too hard, it takes too much time, I'm too tired, I have too much to do, I only slept 6 hours in the last 3 days, the stars aren't correctly aligned, it's too hot, too cold, not cold enough, too windy, it's just one bowl of pasta, one glass of wine, one serving of french fries, I'll start tomorrow, after the next football weekend, when we get new workout equipment etc. etc. etc. I have started over again more times than I care to admit. My father has a saying that is simple and true, and I have probably mentioned it before, "There's nothing to it, but to do it." I can make excuses and caveats until I am blue in the face, but in the end, my health, weight, and diet are no other person's responsibility but my own. I know that I will not do this weight loss thing perfectly, and I have to accept that. I think that my perfectionism leads me to an all or nothing mentality. Once I fall off the wagon, so to speak, I don't just fall, I roll around on the ground and wallow in the mud. I am not going to become that which I dislike, just because the going is rough. I've persevered through tougher obstacles than this. It's time to go tackle just 30 minutes of cardio. I can and will do this.

P.S. I would like to offer a sincere apology to the person that landed here by Google searching "FSU Babes." You poor, unfortunate soul. I hope that you have adequately Cloroxed your eyes!