Does anyone else think that "Do They Know It's Christmas?" is the most uncharitable "charity" song around? It's downright laughable! So much so that I can't help but wonder if there isn't meant to be some sort of sardonic undercurrent beneath the song's earnestness. I mean, there's the most awful line, the line mentioned above, then, later on, we raise a glass to everyone, including "them, underneath that burning sun." ACK! Mix in some "clanging chimes of doom" and "bitter sting of tears" and, well, I admit it, I laugh my *ss off every time I hear this song. Probably not what "Band Aid" was going for, but I digress...
The true meaning for my title really pertains to how I feel when one of my partners is on call and it isn't me. I thank G*d it is them instead of me; because we have been insanely busy. Last call I delivered 8 babies in a 24 hour shift and admitted 9, 10, and 11 in labor. All of the rooms were full and our overflow was spilling into other rooms in the hospital. I have no idea what was going on nine months ago, people, but holy geez, the babies can stop coming any old time! We are T-minus 10 days from Christmas, and I didn't have enough to do, so I thought I'd sit down and let you know that I am still alive...and mostly well...and still wishing to win the lottery so I can become independently wealthy and play internet games and get buff and be the envy of the botox set (without using botox) and never, ever be on call again. I don't think Santa can deliver that kind of present, unfortunately.
This is going to be a magical Christmas for the Whoo family. Bean is 4 and CindyLou is 7 and both are steeped in the wonder and magic of the season. Their joy and wonder is palpable. I love it. It brings a tear to my eye. We only have so many magical Christmases with them, and I happen to be on call on Christmas-flipping-Eve this year. So my Christmas wish is that none of my patients get a special Christmas delivery in the wee hours of Christmas Day morning, so I don't have to miss out on the magic this year...hopefully Santa can manage that. Merry Christmas to all 2 of you still reading out there, may your holidays be Merry, Bright, and Doom Free! :)
Showing posts with label family. Show all posts
Showing posts with label family. Show all posts
Thursday, December 15, 2011
Wednesday, January 05, 2011
And two more months slipped away...
Happy Belated New Year, blog and blog friends! I will spare you the "busy, busy" rigmarole because you've heard it all before. Needless to say, it hardly seems real that the last time I logged on to post anything on the blog was back in October! Life and time have continued to move forward at the speed of light. Over the holidays we (or, more precisely, our builder) finished building the house, we closed (i.e. hemorrhaged money), and then, for extra fun, we moved in...the week before Christmas. Why (you ask incredulously)? Because I'm insane (in the membrane...er, sorry), apparently, and, more accurately, because I already had requested that week off in order to (HA, HA!) relax the week before Christmas. To add to the fun (and this torture was completely self-inflicted, by the way), we just didn't feel *right* about depriving poor little CindyLou and Bean of a Christmas tree and decorations until the week before Christmas (think of the *children!), so we bought a tree for the rental, decorated it and the rental house (including the outside, of course!), undecorated, bought a new tree for the new house, and the decorated the new house once again. I cannot vouch for my mental stability, that bit of madness was unbelievably ill-advised. Regardless, despite several snags, we arrived safely and soundly in the new house before Christmas. Santa even found us and everything! Whew!
So now, I am digging out of boxes, cursing the paper clutter and all of the things that can't be thrown away, but do not yet have a "home." Paper clutter is my true nemesis. We all love the new house. It is so nice to be in a home that is truly "ours" from the very start. Cindy Lou's bedroom is bedecked in lavenders, pinks, and fairies. Bean's is bathed in blues, "Cars" characters, and, let's not forget, monster trucks. We are very happy here, which is good, because (hear this internets) I AM NEVER MOVING AGAIN! (I hope.)
Work is going well, getting back into full swing since the holidays. I find I have so much less to complain about these days. Likely because I am not much on the front lines any more (no more midnight phone calls about cough syrup selection), I am getting more sleep, and more weekends off to play and love on my sweet little family. I still have the occasional fist-clenching moments, like the two sisters, due a week apart. The younger went into labor first, even though the older was *due* first, and the older got so p*ssed off she *refused* to come to the hospital bedside to support her sister. I mean, *dammit* she *always* gets *her* way. (These are grown ass women we are talking about here, you wouldn't believe the adolescent machinations, mostly on the part of the older sister.) Younger sister's baby ended up having an unknown health problem after delivery, which would have made me feel like a criminal that I wasn't there for *my* sister during that time. Older sister's baby was born about a week later and was *perfect,* and I got the vague impression she was feeling quite smug and justified about that. Sad, sad, sad.
There was also the patient whose MIL jumped all over me when, after going to have a "for fun" ultrasound where the US tech said the cord *might* be around or near the baby's neck, I tried to explain that, if indeed the cord was around the neck, there was not a thing in the world I could do about it! I spent 30 minutes with the patient and her MIL, even obtained a (completely normal and beautifully reactive) NST. At the MIL's visit to my partner the next week (for her own medical care) she expressed to them how I just "rushed" them right through the appointment, and how her DIL needed "more TLC" from our practice. GAH! The unmitigated *gall* of that woman! I give up. Haven't seen her or DIL since, and I'm not crying about that one little bit.
So anyway, time marches on...double numbers are luck for me, so I think 2011 is going to be a good one. Maybe, just maybe, I can lose the rest of that weight, organize my life, de-clutter, become a great cook, run a marathon, found a charity organization, and still find the time to be the world's best wife, mother, and doctor. Hmmmmm, probably not! Good to be back, and I hope to write more in the coming year. Hope you are still out there and listening!
So now, I am digging out of boxes, cursing the paper clutter and all of the things that can't be thrown away, but do not yet have a "home." Paper clutter is my true nemesis. We all love the new house. It is so nice to be in a home that is truly "ours" from the very start. Cindy Lou's bedroom is bedecked in lavenders, pinks, and fairies. Bean's is bathed in blues, "Cars" characters, and, let's not forget, monster trucks. We are very happy here, which is good, because (hear this internets) I AM NEVER MOVING AGAIN! (I hope.)
Work is going well, getting back into full swing since the holidays. I find I have so much less to complain about these days. Likely because I am not much on the front lines any more (no more midnight phone calls about cough syrup selection), I am getting more sleep, and more weekends off to play and love on my sweet little family. I still have the occasional fist-clenching moments, like the two sisters, due a week apart. The younger went into labor first, even though the older was *due* first, and the older got so p*ssed off she *refused* to come to the hospital bedside to support her sister. I mean, *dammit* she *always* gets *her* way. (These are grown ass women we are talking about here, you wouldn't believe the adolescent machinations, mostly on the part of the older sister.) Younger sister's baby ended up having an unknown health problem after delivery, which would have made me feel like a criminal that I wasn't there for *my* sister during that time. Older sister's baby was born about a week later and was *perfect,* and I got the vague impression she was feeling quite smug and justified about that. Sad, sad, sad.
There was also the patient whose MIL jumped all over me when, after going to have a "for fun" ultrasound where the US tech said the cord *might* be around or near the baby's neck, I tried to explain that, if indeed the cord was around the neck, there was not a thing in the world I could do about it! I spent 30 minutes with the patient and her MIL, even obtained a (completely normal and beautifully reactive) NST. At the MIL's visit to my partner the next week (for her own medical care) she expressed to them how I just "rushed" them right through the appointment, and how her DIL needed "more TLC" from our practice. GAH! The unmitigated *gall* of that woman! I give up. Haven't seen her or DIL since, and I'm not crying about that one little bit.
So anyway, time marches on...double numbers are luck for me, so I think 2011 is going to be a good one. Maybe, just maybe, I can lose the rest of that weight, organize my life, de-clutter, become a great cook, run a marathon, found a charity organization, and still find the time to be the world's best wife, mother, and doctor. Hmmmmm, probably not! Good to be back, and I hope to write more in the coming year. Hope you are still out there and listening!
Friday, September 03, 2010
Little Wonders
I sat with my patient, a new mother, in the examination room. She was there for her first post-partum visit and we were discussing the events of the last few weeks. We chatted about breast feeding, birth control, lack of sleep, how annoying it is that men can sleep through *anything*, and then, I asked, as I always do, about how she was handling things emotionally. I always make it a point to screen for post-partum depression, many times, if you don't ask, they will not tell you how they are really feeling. This time, though she passed the screening for depression, she gave a laugh and said, "For the first time, I know why my mother is the way that she is." She went on to elaborate how she always made fun of how emotional her mother is, and now how she couldn't watch Kleenex commercials any more without bawling like a baby. It is so true. When we become parents we are forever changed, not only do we understand our parents better, but the way that we look at the whole world is different.
For me, it was the same. Before I became a mother, I loved to watch scary movies. The scarier the better. Imagine my surprise when, not long after Cindy Lou was born, and Mr. Whoo and I settled in to watch a horror flick when I realized that I had changed. I could not watch it, couldn't even get past the first 30 minutes. Why? Because there was a little girl child in it who was missing, and I couldn't handle thinking of a child (my child) being lost, scared, and alone. I never realized how many horror films use disturbing images of children before having a child of my own. It changed how I watch movies even now, far removed from the emotional lability of the immediate post-partum days. The same holds true for news stories involving children, footage of the 2004 tsunami devastated me, same for Katrina the summer after. The tears flow more freely now, happy, sad, and wistful. Most of all, music speaks to me, and often moves me to tears. There are certain songs I associate with different stages of my children's lives, and find myself tearing up just thinking of the lyrics. For Cindy Lou, it is "Baby Mine" and "Return to Pooh Corner." For Bean it is "Sweet Baby James" and "Little Wonders." Especially these lyrics:
"Our lives are made, in these small hours, these little wonders, these twists and turns of fate.
Time falls away, but these small hours, these small hours still remain."
So now I know how my mother felt when I was younger, when Cindy Lou turns to find me wiping away a happy tear or two and says, "Mommy, if you are happy, then why are you crying?" Perhaps it is because the transformative joy and wonder of having a part in creating these precious lives fills up our hearts until they break, just a little, from the magic of it all. How have your children changed the way you see the world?
***Cross Posted at Mothers in Medicine***
For me, it was the same. Before I became a mother, I loved to watch scary movies. The scarier the better. Imagine my surprise when, not long after Cindy Lou was born, and Mr. Whoo and I settled in to watch a horror flick when I realized that I had changed. I could not watch it, couldn't even get past the first 30 minutes. Why? Because there was a little girl child in it who was missing, and I couldn't handle thinking of a child (my child) being lost, scared, and alone. I never realized how many horror films use disturbing images of children before having a child of my own. It changed how I watch movies even now, far removed from the emotional lability of the immediate post-partum days. The same holds true for news stories involving children, footage of the 2004 tsunami devastated me, same for Katrina the summer after. The tears flow more freely now, happy, sad, and wistful. Most of all, music speaks to me, and often moves me to tears. There are certain songs I associate with different stages of my children's lives, and find myself tearing up just thinking of the lyrics. For Cindy Lou, it is "Baby Mine" and "Return to Pooh Corner." For Bean it is "Sweet Baby James" and "Little Wonders." Especially these lyrics:
"Our lives are made, in these small hours, these little wonders, these twists and turns of fate.
Time falls away, but these small hours, these small hours still remain."
So now I know how my mother felt when I was younger, when Cindy Lou turns to find me wiping away a happy tear or two and says, "Mommy, if you are happy, then why are you crying?" Perhaps it is because the transformative joy and wonder of having a part in creating these precious lives fills up our hearts until they break, just a little, from the magic of it all. How have your children changed the way you see the world?
***Cross Posted at Mothers in Medicine***
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
Aw, yeah!
Hi! Don't you love how I swear that I'm back to blogging and then don't post for two weeks? Time keeps slip-sliding away, but the main reason is that I was on *vacation.* Woo hoo, right? There were good, bad, and ugly parts, just like any old fashioned family vacation. The good: time with family, spending time in, near, and on the water, reading books (for fun!), eating good food, and having absolutely no responsibilities, pagers, emails, or Internet access. The bad: family overkill, NO AC in our rental (and 90 degree temps, if you know me, you know how disastrous this was), mosquitoes the size of my pinky finger (and a blue million mosquito bites), not really having anything to *do*, eating way too much good food, and no Internet access. The ugly: 23 hours in the car (each way!), with a 6 and almost 3 year-old. Yes, you read correctly, a total of 4 of my vacation days were spent driving in the car, with my whiny, don't- know-how-great-they-have-it children, slowly going insane. I believe that the first "Are we there yet?" came about 17 minutes into the trip, so yeah. Fun times.
The hilarious thing is, Mr. Whoo and I were crazy enough to make this trip about 5 years ago, with our just over one year old, and swore we would never do it again. HAHAHA! See how time dulls the sense of abject horror? Well, time, and over $400 per person for plane tickets. The first time around, CindyLou was just a little over one year old, and, while we had a DVD player (the makeshift kind that would hang in between the front seats and plugged into the cigarette lighter), CindyLou had the attention span of a gnat, and would only watch *one* of the many DVDs we had brought for her pacification, er, viewing pleasure. Any other of the videos made her bored, or scream, so we lucky people in the front seat got to listen to Ses.ame Stre.et "Sing Along" approximately 4872 times. The first couple of times, it was cute. We sang along with the songs and giggled at CindyLou's response. The next few times, we grinned and bore it. The next 100 times after that we started making up rude lyrics to the songs and commenting the actors "Mystery Science Theater 3000"-style. Any time after that, we just became hysterical and delirious. Seriously, this 30 minute video was the funniest sh*t we had ever heard. To this day we have quotations from that show (both real and altered) that we use in every day life, including a very enthusiastic "Aw, Yeah!" which came from an owl-type character in one of the songs. At the end of that trip, we (for some reason) kept the DVD, but did not watch it again for 5 whole years (mostly because we could recite it by rote)....until this trip.
We were a good 6 hours into the first day of traveling in the car, the novelty had worn off, and the kids were no longer interested in the snacks, our conversations, or the scenery. We were each "taking turns" choosing movies or music, when CindyLou and Bean just could not agree on a form of entertainment. The situation was devolving, and no amount of Capr.i S.un or Gold.fish could keep our offspring from complaining about one another when Mr. Whoo suddenly got this evil smile on his face, looked at me, and mouthed "Sing Along." My response? "Aw, YEAH!" So we played it. Bean was enthralled, CindyLou was still enthralled, and Mr. Whoo and I were laughing so hard we cried. The rest of the trip, we tried to engage the kids in the old standards such as the "Billboard Alphabet" game, the "License Plate" game, and "I Spy." We tried to give them a little taste of what it was like to travel back in the dark ages before DVD players, iPods, and Ninten.do DS. I'm not sure how much they appreciate it now, but hopefully, in time, they will. It is funny how the things that drive you the most insane are sometimes the best memories that you have. So family vacations, gotta love them. Now I am back in the fray, and just waiting for the next extraordinary happening in an ordinary day. Aw, yeah!
The hilarious thing is, Mr. Whoo and I were crazy enough to make this trip about 5 years ago, with our just over one year old, and swore we would never do it again. HAHAHA! See how time dulls the sense of abject horror? Well, time, and over $400 per person for plane tickets. The first time around, CindyLou was just a little over one year old, and, while we had a DVD player (the makeshift kind that would hang in between the front seats and plugged into the cigarette lighter), CindyLou had the attention span of a gnat, and would only watch *one* of the many DVDs we had brought for her pacification, er, viewing pleasure. Any other of the videos made her bored, or scream, so we lucky people in the front seat got to listen to Ses.ame Stre.et "Sing Along" approximately 4872 times. The first couple of times, it was cute. We sang along with the songs and giggled at CindyLou's response. The next few times, we grinned and bore it. The next 100 times after that we started making up rude lyrics to the songs and commenting the actors "Mystery Science Theater 3000"-style. Any time after that, we just became hysterical and delirious. Seriously, this 30 minute video was the funniest sh*t we had ever heard. To this day we have quotations from that show (both real and altered) that we use in every day life, including a very enthusiastic "Aw, Yeah!" which came from an owl-type character in one of the songs. At the end of that trip, we (for some reason) kept the DVD, but did not watch it again for 5 whole years (mostly because we could recite it by rote)....until this trip.
We were a good 6 hours into the first day of traveling in the car, the novelty had worn off, and the kids were no longer interested in the snacks, our conversations, or the scenery. We were each "taking turns" choosing movies or music, when CindyLou and Bean just could not agree on a form of entertainment. The situation was devolving, and no amount of Capr.i S.un or Gold.fish could keep our offspring from complaining about one another when Mr. Whoo suddenly got this evil smile on his face, looked at me, and mouthed "Sing Along." My response? "Aw, YEAH!" So we played it. Bean was enthralled, CindyLou was still enthralled, and Mr. Whoo and I were laughing so hard we cried. The rest of the trip, we tried to engage the kids in the old standards such as the "Billboard Alphabet" game, the "License Plate" game, and "I Spy." We tried to give them a little taste of what it was like to travel back in the dark ages before DVD players, iPods, and Ninten.do DS. I'm not sure how much they appreciate it now, but hopefully, in time, they will. It is funny how the things that drive you the most insane are sometimes the best memories that you have. So family vacations, gotta love them. Now I am back in the fray, and just waiting for the next extraordinary happening in an ordinary day. Aw, yeah!
Monday, June 21, 2010
Summertime....
...and the living is, well, kinda crazy. Isn't that always the way? The more free time we seem to have, the more we fill it up with visits to the pool, spending time with grandparents, and trying to keep our kids from growing up so darn fast. I had to take a bit of a break from the blogosphere. I had gotten into a very bad habit of reading too many doctor-bashing blogs, and it was making me incredibly bitter and angry. Partially because of the blatant misinformation being bandied about, and partially because I know so many great, caring, and self-sacrificing people that are physicians, and to hear us all painted with such an ugly brush really p*sses me off. Not to mention how reading about how much people hate us out there was making me wonder why I was busting my *ss going above and beyond for people who didn't appreciate a d*mn thing that I did. So, I stepped away from the screen for a bit, and took the time to look around me.
In that time, life brought several patients my way that helped me to remember why my job is so important and yes, even still, appreciated. I did a 2 am emergency c-section on a woman who was actively abrupting at 35 weeks and helped save her life and her baby's life, as well. I helped two women, one with an early demise due to a fatal fetal anomaly, and one with a heartbreaking term demise to deliver and make it through the absolute worst days of their lives. I attended several "routine" deliveries and got to be a part of the happiest day in many women's lives (dreaded hospital setting and all). And I waited out a prolonged labor, complete with three hours of pushing and a pretty scary shoulder dystocia, and helped a first-time mother to deliver her healthy, 9 pound 15 ounce baby.
In the spaces in between, I got to celebrate CindyLou's 6th (!) birthday and her "graduation" from Kindergarten, enjoy some time with family and friends on the weekends that I have off, and I even successfully completed 2 weeks without eating any carbohydrates at all (and lost 6 more pounds, yay!) I think of this time last year, as we were preparing to make this move, and I was dreading July (as I always did, with OtherDoc's mega vacation looming in the foreground). This year we have vacations planned in July and Bean's 3rd (can you believe *that*?) birthday, and only 1 full weekend of call. I am finding my life again, and still getting to work in a field about which I am just as passionate, now with less burn-out! Whee! I also want to thank the sweet anon poster who asked that I not give up on the blog...don't worry! I may lose chunks of time in between posts, but I won't forget about you guys. I just have to find a way to make this blog funny again, and not so depressing and whiny! I will continue to fight the good fight for Ob/Gyns out there, and do my best to stop the rampant fear mongering by providing the example which contradicts the general blogosphere "rule." Good doctors do exist, we by far outnumber the "bad" ones, and we prove it every. single. day. Happy 1st day of summer, all! I am going to the pool. :)
In that time, life brought several patients my way that helped me to remember why my job is so important and yes, even still, appreciated. I did a 2 am emergency c-section on a woman who was actively abrupting at 35 weeks and helped save her life and her baby's life, as well. I helped two women, one with an early demise due to a fatal fetal anomaly, and one with a heartbreaking term demise to deliver and make it through the absolute worst days of their lives. I attended several "routine" deliveries and got to be a part of the happiest day in many women's lives (dreaded hospital setting and all). And I waited out a prolonged labor, complete with three hours of pushing and a pretty scary shoulder dystocia, and helped a first-time mother to deliver her healthy, 9 pound 15 ounce baby.
In the spaces in between, I got to celebrate CindyLou's 6th (!) birthday and her "graduation" from Kindergarten, enjoy some time with family and friends on the weekends that I have off, and I even successfully completed 2 weeks without eating any carbohydrates at all (and lost 6 more pounds, yay!) I think of this time last year, as we were preparing to make this move, and I was dreading July (as I always did, with OtherDoc's mega vacation looming in the foreground). This year we have vacations planned in July and Bean's 3rd (can you believe *that*?) birthday, and only 1 full weekend of call. I am finding my life again, and still getting to work in a field about which I am just as passionate, now with less burn-out! Whee! I also want to thank the sweet anon poster who asked that I not give up on the blog...don't worry! I may lose chunks of time in between posts, but I won't forget about you guys. I just have to find a way to make this blog funny again, and not so depressing and whiny! I will continue to fight the good fight for Ob/Gyns out there, and do my best to stop the rampant fear mongering by providing the example which contradicts the general blogosphere "rule." Good doctors do exist, we by far outnumber the "bad" ones, and we prove it every. single. day. Happy 1st day of summer, all! I am going to the pool. :)
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Things I Say Every Day (Home Edition)**
1. Good morning, sunshines!
2. I love you.
3. No.
4. What do you say?
5. Hmmmmm?
6. Put your clothes in the hamper.
7. Stop teasing your brother.
8. Stop torturing your sister.
9. Sorry, you cannot have mac and cheese for breakfast.
10. Sooooo, whatcha want to do for dinner tonight?
11. Thank you for (doing laundry, the dishes, going shopping) honey!
12. Are you ready for a bath time? A bath time party? This is old CindyLou (and Bean) ready to get that bath time started....
13. So, tell me about what you learned today...
14. I need some snuggles (or, the abbreviated, "snugs")!
15. I missed you today.
16. Did you set the DVR?
17. No, no, it is (CindyLou's/Bean's) turn to sit in the front of the tub.
18. Pick out the book you want to read tonight.
19. What was your very favorite part of today?
20. Good night, sleep tight, sweet dreams...see you in the morning.
21. Ahhhh, adult time!
22. We need to go to bed earlier.
23. I am going to bed early tomorrow.
24. I love this show!
25. Maybe we can work out....tomorrow.
2. I love you.
3. No.
4. What do you say?
5. Hmmmmm?
6. Put your clothes in the hamper.
7. Stop teasing your brother.
8. Stop torturing your sister.
9. Sorry, you cannot have mac and cheese for breakfast.
10. Sooooo, whatcha want to do for dinner tonight?
11. Thank you for (doing laundry, the dishes, going shopping) honey!
12. Are you ready for a bath time? A bath time party? This is old CindyLou (and Bean) ready to get that bath time started....
13. So, tell me about what you learned today...
14. I need some snuggles (or, the abbreviated, "snugs")!
15. I missed you today.
16. Did you set the DVR?
17. No, no, it is (CindyLou's/Bean's) turn to sit in the front of the tub.
18. Pick out the book you want to read tonight.
19. What was your very favorite part of today?
20. Good night, sleep tight, sweet dreams...see you in the morning.
21. Ahhhh, adult time!
22. We need to go to bed earlier.
23. I am going to bed early tomorrow.
24. I love this show!
25. Maybe we can work out....tomorrow.
Friday, July 10, 2009
I guess that's why they call it "The Blues."
So here I sit...alone, in a very empty, lonely house. Mr. Whoo, CindyLou, and the Bean are moved out and already in our new home city, while I sit here on my air mattress, waiting for my sentence to end. As a part of the agreement I reached with my current employer, I am being forced to serve one more term as indentured servant while OtherDoc takes his annual 2 week vacation. It has been a very rough week. The day that the house was finally packed, and Mr. Whoo and the kids had left for new city, my old, fat, girl kitty died. I have half a mind to think that she realized that we were moving again, and was going to be damned certain that she didn't have to go through it again, but it doesn't make it any easier. I found her curled up in her bed, as though she were sleeping, but when I touched her back, she was cold and stiff. She was old, and fat, but I just wasn't prepared to lose her just yet. The fact that I found her dead the same day that the rest of my family had left me alone in the house did not help matters one little bit. Poor Kitty. Poor me.
True to form, I have been inordinately busy, so I haven't much time to contemplate staying in our house all alone. I can't help but wandering through the empty rooms when I finally do get home, remembering all of the times when the rooms were full of us, our stuff, and our memories. Now, all that remains are those memories and faint impressions of furniture upon the carpet. I am alone, with my sole surviving kitty, an air mattress, a laptop, and a new set of books (The Sookie Stackhouse series). I thank God for the interwebs, facebook, and hulu. I have been watching reruns of "Dead Like Me" on hulu. If you haven't seen the series, I highly recommend it. It is a very cute show (despite the fact that it is about Grim Reapers and Death and the like.) I miss my babies, and tear up every time I hear their sweet baby voices on the phone. I miss my family so much that it hurts, and I can't wait to start the next chapter.
I have some hair-raising work stories percolating at the moment, and will post them within the next few days. It appears as though I will be going out of this job with a bang rather than a whimper. I have but a week left in my current position, a new horizon looms ever more brightly in front of me. I can't wait to share my newest adventures with all of you.
True to form, I have been inordinately busy, so I haven't much time to contemplate staying in our house all alone. I can't help but wandering through the empty rooms when I finally do get home, remembering all of the times when the rooms were full of us, our stuff, and our memories. Now, all that remains are those memories and faint impressions of furniture upon the carpet. I am alone, with my sole surviving kitty, an air mattress, a laptop, and a new set of books (The Sookie Stackhouse series). I thank God for the interwebs, facebook, and hulu. I have been watching reruns of "Dead Like Me" on hulu. If you haven't seen the series, I highly recommend it. It is a very cute show (despite the fact that it is about Grim Reapers and Death and the like.) I miss my babies, and tear up every time I hear their sweet baby voices on the phone. I miss my family so much that it hurts, and I can't wait to start the next chapter.
I have some hair-raising work stories percolating at the moment, and will post them within the next few days. It appears as though I will be going out of this job with a bang rather than a whimper. I have but a week left in my current position, a new horizon looms ever more brightly in front of me. I can't wait to share my newest adventures with all of you.
Thursday, April 23, 2009
To Get to the Other Side
There are times in life when everything seems to fall right in to place, and then, there are times like now. I can see the shimmering oasis of a new life, just on the horizon. A better call schedule, closer to family and friends, a chance to work in a collegial (not competitive) environment, more time with my precious kids and husband, and a chance to grow as a physician. Between the oasis and where I stand, however, is a treacherous, rock-filled, rapid river, swirling and threatening my ability to ever reach the opposite shore.
Obstacle #1 - Our house is on the market, and we have shown it at least a dozen times. Yet, despite positive overall feedback, not a single offer. I don't mean to boast, but our house is a beautiful house. I love it. I was ready to buy it the second I walked through the front door, and I can't believe that everyone else that sees it doesn't feel the same way. We never thought we would have to sell this house. Maybe we should have thought about selling it before we bought it. If we don't sell before we move, we'll have a hefty house payment, along with any rent payment we need to pay in Newville. This alone will be a financial strain.
Obstacle #2 - Mr. Whoo has yet to find a job, nor procure an interview in Newville. Granted, he has only starting looking in earnest recently. However, he is looking for work in the finance world, which isn't the best place to be seeking employment given the current state of our economy. We have been fortunate that he was able to quit his job last fall when our family really needed it, but now we worry that the employment gap may cause an impetus with new employers. Plus, without an additional income after the move, there will be more financial strain on our family. (See Obstacle #1)
Obstacle #3 - My current place of employment is not letting me go without a fight. There have been veiled and outright threats of lawsuits and damages and liabilities for me leaving earlier than my contract had mandated. There is also the matter of giving back a portion of student loans paid by the hospital. The fact that we would have to pay back was not unexpected, however, the amount that we calculated is about half of what the hospital estimates. We are procuring the services of a contract negotiator and a lawyer, who seem to believe we have a case for inducement, but I'm having angina just thinking of it. Not to mention the fact that, if the hospital's calculations are correct, they want us to pay up in less than 2 months. Add more financial liability to the swirly, cold, and fast water.
Obstacle #4 - Emotionally, I am wrung out. I am completely exhausted, and barely hanging on by my fingernails to make it to the date I indicated I was leaving. Being on call, continuously, with only 4 days off per month (plus vacation time), has left me completely burnt out. I find it hard to drag myself to work and muster compassion for my patients. They deserve better than the doctor I am right now. My health, mental and physical, is suffering. The remainder of my contract is a mere six months, and by finishing it out, I can alleviate much of the financial burden of the above obstacles...for the price of my very sanity. I want to cry just thinking of it.
So, I sit here on the bank, pining for the oasis, and unsure how to navigate the obstacles that lie before me. Oddly, I am reminded of the "old school" computer game, "The Oregon Trail." When faced with a river, you can try to ford the river, float the river, or hire someone else to help you across. Right now, I am pining desperately for someone to throw me a life line, or at the very least, a strategy for surviving these treacherous waters. The best advice I can relate to our readers is to know what you are getting in to before you sign a contract. There is no such thing as a perfect job, and if it seems too good to be true, it, in all likelihood, *is* too good to be true. Caveat emptor...and pass the caulk.
*cross posted at Mothers in Medicine
Obstacle #1 - Our house is on the market, and we have shown it at least a dozen times. Yet, despite positive overall feedback, not a single offer. I don't mean to boast, but our house is a beautiful house. I love it. I was ready to buy it the second I walked through the front door, and I can't believe that everyone else that sees it doesn't feel the same way. We never thought we would have to sell this house. Maybe we should have thought about selling it before we bought it. If we don't sell before we move, we'll have a hefty house payment, along with any rent payment we need to pay in Newville. This alone will be a financial strain.
Obstacle #2 - Mr. Whoo has yet to find a job, nor procure an interview in Newville. Granted, he has only starting looking in earnest recently. However, he is looking for work in the finance world, which isn't the best place to be seeking employment given the current state of our economy. We have been fortunate that he was able to quit his job last fall when our family really needed it, but now we worry that the employment gap may cause an impetus with new employers. Plus, without an additional income after the move, there will be more financial strain on our family. (See Obstacle #1)
Obstacle #3 - My current place of employment is not letting me go without a fight. There have been veiled and outright threats of lawsuits and damages and liabilities for me leaving earlier than my contract had mandated. There is also the matter of giving back a portion of student loans paid by the hospital. The fact that we would have to pay back was not unexpected, however, the amount that we calculated is about half of what the hospital estimates. We are procuring the services of a contract negotiator and a lawyer, who seem to believe we have a case for inducement, but I'm having angina just thinking of it. Not to mention the fact that, if the hospital's calculations are correct, they want us to pay up in less than 2 months. Add more financial liability to the swirly, cold, and fast water.
Obstacle #4 - Emotionally, I am wrung out. I am completely exhausted, and barely hanging on by my fingernails to make it to the date I indicated I was leaving. Being on call, continuously, with only 4 days off per month (plus vacation time), has left me completely burnt out. I find it hard to drag myself to work and muster compassion for my patients. They deserve better than the doctor I am right now. My health, mental and physical, is suffering. The remainder of my contract is a mere six months, and by finishing it out, I can alleviate much of the financial burden of the above obstacles...for the price of my very sanity. I want to cry just thinking of it.
So, I sit here on the bank, pining for the oasis, and unsure how to navigate the obstacles that lie before me. Oddly, I am reminded of the "old school" computer game, "The Oregon Trail." When faced with a river, you can try to ford the river, float the river, or hire someone else to help you across. Right now, I am pining desperately for someone to throw me a life line, or at the very least, a strategy for surviving these treacherous waters. The best advice I can relate to our readers is to know what you are getting in to before you sign a contract. There is no such thing as a perfect job, and if it seems too good to be true, it, in all likelihood, *is* too good to be true. Caveat emptor...and pass the caulk.
*cross posted at Mothers in Medicine
Saturday, February 21, 2009
"Blah"ging
Wow, I just went fifteen days without even thinking about blogging! Maybe that is because I have delivered 12 babies in the last 2 weeks, including my second set of twins for the month. I am very happy to have attended 2 twin births this month, both vaginal deliveries, one without an epidural (go mom, woo!). February has been filled with post-dates patients and big babies (though none coming close to my recent 11 pounder!) It has also been filled with more C-sections than I would like to have, but I guess my good run of vaginal deliveries had to end somewhere.
The word is out that I am leaving the hospital. The feedback that I have gotten overall has been really positive. By that I mean, people seem sad to be seeing me go, but they aren't being jerky about it. Most people are very understanding of my family and call situation, as well as the reason why I am leaving. It's nice to know that I will be missed by the staff and the patients, for I will surely miss (most of) them. We have been showing the house sporadically. Let me tell you, getting the house "show ready" with two messy kids and (let's face it) two fairly messy adults is a serious challenge. After every showing I get this huge surge of hope that we will finally sell the house. And then? Nothing. I know it is a bum market right now, but the thought of carrying this house payment with us after we leave is daunting. So much hinges on whether or not we sell the house. Will we buy or rent in NewCity? Are we looking for temporary or more permanent? CindyLou will be starting Kindergarten (!!!) in the fall, so we are trying to find the area in which we want to settle in the "right" school district. So much uncertainty is fairly uncomfortable.
The licensing process is dragging on and on, but I think I have it all pulled together. Now I just have to get it all submitted. I don't know how anyone could fake being a physician and get a medical license. I can barely get all the bases covered, and I am totally legit! I just can't believe how much I am being nickeled and dimed to death on all of the various and sundry fees. I've decided that New State will be our final destination for the duration of my medical practice. I cannot fathom going through the licensure process yet again.
Mr. Whoo, CindyLou, and the Bean are all doing great. The Bean is 18 months old. (Can you believe it?) He is such a little sweetheart. His language has really taken off since he got his tubes put in last summer. He loves books, and will sit in your lap, snuggle, and read books for hours! He idolizes his big sister, and while he cannot say her name yet, he calls her "sissy" in the most adorable way. CindyLou is a stellar big sister, and, at times, is very much a little mommy to the Bean. She is so smart and curious. She drives crazy with her constant jabber sometimes, but I suppose this comes naturally. Both Mr. Whoo and I often got the admonishment of "Talks too much!" on our progress reports and report cards! Mr. Whoo continues to be the best husband on earth. I don't know where our family would be without him. I feel so lucky to have such a wonderful partner.
As for me? I'm getting through one day at a time. I am still 2 steps forward and 2 steps back (Paula Abdul reference completely unintended, sorry!) with respect to weight loss. I still find myself turning to food for comfort at the end of a long, hard day. I keep seeing everyone with whom I went to high school and college (via facebook, mostly) all looking so fit and well rested, I veritably seethe with envy at times. I look ten years older than I actually am, not to mention 50 lbs heavier than I should be. I know better times are on the horizon; I just need to quit making excuses. Any way, I just wanted to check in and let you know that I am still alive and kicking! Now I just have to figure out 2 snazzy posts for MIM before next Friday. Hmmm....
The word is out that I am leaving the hospital. The feedback that I have gotten overall has been really positive. By that I mean, people seem sad to be seeing me go, but they aren't being jerky about it. Most people are very understanding of my family and call situation, as well as the reason why I am leaving. It's nice to know that I will be missed by the staff and the patients, for I will surely miss (most of) them. We have been showing the house sporadically. Let me tell you, getting the house "show ready" with two messy kids and (let's face it) two fairly messy adults is a serious challenge. After every showing I get this huge surge of hope that we will finally sell the house. And then? Nothing. I know it is a bum market right now, but the thought of carrying this house payment with us after we leave is daunting. So much hinges on whether or not we sell the house. Will we buy or rent in NewCity? Are we looking for temporary or more permanent? CindyLou will be starting Kindergarten (!!!) in the fall, so we are trying to find the area in which we want to settle in the "right" school district. So much uncertainty is fairly uncomfortable.
The licensing process is dragging on and on, but I think I have it all pulled together. Now I just have to get it all submitted. I don't know how anyone could fake being a physician and get a medical license. I can barely get all the bases covered, and I am totally legit! I just can't believe how much I am being nickeled and dimed to death on all of the various and sundry fees. I've decided that New State will be our final destination for the duration of my medical practice. I cannot fathom going through the licensure process yet again.
Mr. Whoo, CindyLou, and the Bean are all doing great. The Bean is 18 months old. (Can you believe it?) He is such a little sweetheart. His language has really taken off since he got his tubes put in last summer. He loves books, and will sit in your lap, snuggle, and read books for hours! He idolizes his big sister, and while he cannot say her name yet, he calls her "sissy" in the most adorable way. CindyLou is a stellar big sister, and, at times, is very much a little mommy to the Bean. She is so smart and curious. She drives crazy with her constant jabber sometimes, but I suppose this comes naturally. Both Mr. Whoo and I often got the admonishment of "Talks too much!" on our progress reports and report cards! Mr. Whoo continues to be the best husband on earth. I don't know where our family would be without him. I feel so lucky to have such a wonderful partner.
As for me? I'm getting through one day at a time. I am still 2 steps forward and 2 steps back (Paula Abdul reference completely unintended, sorry!) with respect to weight loss. I still find myself turning to food for comfort at the end of a long, hard day. I keep seeing everyone with whom I went to high school and college (via facebook, mostly) all looking so fit and well rested, I veritably seethe with envy at times. I look ten years older than I actually am, not to mention 50 lbs heavier than I should be. I know better times are on the horizon; I just need to quit making excuses. Any way, I just wanted to check in and let you know that I am still alive and kicking! Now I just have to figure out 2 snazzy posts for MIM before next Friday. Hmmm....
Sunday, December 21, 2008
Holiday Haze
It's almost Christmas, a season that can turn the most placid of households upside down; so it follows that the chaos that exists on a daily basis in our house is multiplied three-fold during this time of the year. Shopping, cards, wrapping (or not wrapping as is our case), prepping the house, and controlling the building Christmas fervor from young CindyLou and keeping the Bean from upending the tree makes day to day life that much more, um, full. Ha.
Labor and Delivery is not immune to Christmas Chaos, either. Every induction slot is filled with patients hoping to check "have a baby" off of their pre-Christmas to-do list, much like the shopping for and wrapping of gifts. To be honest, I'm not really certain how I feel about that. Let's face it, no one, doctor or patient, wants to be in the hospital on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day. Doctors hope to spend those rare days away from the office with the people that they love, not in the nurse's station on L&D. Pregnant women with children want to be certain to secure the holiday for their children that have already been born. There are enormous familial pressures for these women to have their babies "home for Christmas." It makes for a lot of soft, elective induction calls, and sometimes, when a patient truly needs to have a baby for medical reasons, it throws everyone's nice, neat plans into a tailspin. I've seen a few of these holiday plans get ruined by a true medical emergency, and while it is unfortunate, sometimes I wonder if it doesn't serve us right for trying to control as much about labor as we do.
Personally, I have 2 patients due right around Christmas Day, one of whom has a potentially macrosomic baby, and, since they are both healthy and doing well in all other aspects of their pregnancies, we are not scheduling them for induction this week. I hope they will go into labor without medical assistance. It makes it difficult to make definitive holiday plans, given the unpredictability of my profession. OtherDoc and I try to split up Christmas Eve/Day, and New Year's Eve/Day, in order to get some of that time off with our families. I approached him about doing that this week, and he has not decided which days he wants to take call. I already worked the long Thanksgiving holiday, and I hope he takes that into consideration. I am almost giddy that I won't have to deal with this BS next year, and if I do work Christmas, I certainly won't be working Thanksgiving or New Year's. I. Can't. Wait.
So, I will end this rambling, no point post here. What ever your holiday plans may be, I wish you and yours a peaceful season. I enjoy sharing glimpses of life with you, and hope that you will continue to read here in 2009. Merry Christmas from all the Whoos down in Whoo-ville! :)
Labor and Delivery is not immune to Christmas Chaos, either. Every induction slot is filled with patients hoping to check "have a baby" off of their pre-Christmas to-do list, much like the shopping for and wrapping of gifts. To be honest, I'm not really certain how I feel about that. Let's face it, no one, doctor or patient, wants to be in the hospital on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day. Doctors hope to spend those rare days away from the office with the people that they love, not in the nurse's station on L&D. Pregnant women with children want to be certain to secure the holiday for their children that have already been born. There are enormous familial pressures for these women to have their babies "home for Christmas." It makes for a lot of soft, elective induction calls, and sometimes, when a patient truly needs to have a baby for medical reasons, it throws everyone's nice, neat plans into a tailspin. I've seen a few of these holiday plans get ruined by a true medical emergency, and while it is unfortunate, sometimes I wonder if it doesn't serve us right for trying to control as much about labor as we do.
Personally, I have 2 patients due right around Christmas Day, one of whom has a potentially macrosomic baby, and, since they are both healthy and doing well in all other aspects of their pregnancies, we are not scheduling them for induction this week. I hope they will go into labor without medical assistance. It makes it difficult to make definitive holiday plans, given the unpredictability of my profession. OtherDoc and I try to split up Christmas Eve/Day, and New Year's Eve/Day, in order to get some of that time off with our families. I approached him about doing that this week, and he has not decided which days he wants to take call. I already worked the long Thanksgiving holiday, and I hope he takes that into consideration. I am almost giddy that I won't have to deal with this BS next year, and if I do work Christmas, I certainly won't be working Thanksgiving or New Year's. I. Can't. Wait.
So, I will end this rambling, no point post here. What ever your holiday plans may be, I wish you and yours a peaceful season. I enjoy sharing glimpses of life with you, and hope that you will continue to read here in 2009. Merry Christmas from all the Whoos down in Whoo-ville! :)
Friday, September 19, 2008
Running on Ice
Where does the time go
Spinning my wheels
Standing still
It's like running on ice
I only gain a little distance when I fall
How did I become a molecule
In the concrete of this city
Indifferent to my endless motion
In a space too small to see
Nonetheless expected to be
I only get a little attention when I fall
Chorus:
And I'm falling
Falling down
Falling
Falling down
Cursed with reason
In a world so defiant
Without conclusion
This is the story
The story we live out
And it is the moral too
Look at me I'm falling for you
Shaking, crying
Hating lying to myself
I'm tired of telling myself it's OK
To be this tired
This sick and tired of the turns the world takes
And the people that it makes us be
And lately it appears to me that I'm falling down... --"Falling Down" Vertical Horizon
I searched the internet for a complete sound bite/you.tube of this song, because the lyrics, while fabulously apropos to my situation in life, are nothing without the frame of the song. Alas, this song is so old/obscure, it hasn't even an entry! Anyway, 'tis a great song, and it sums up very nicely how I've been feeling these last few weeks. A whole lot of running without a lot to show for it. We have received contracts, had them reviewed, and have all but signed one on the dotted line. Yes, I believe I have found a new job and the start of a whole new chapter in the life of the Whoo family. Hopefully for the better! We have also begun readying the house to put on the market, and begun research on daycares and houses in NewCity. I feel like I can't totally relax until the ink is dry on the paper, yet I am anxious to move forward. It is an unsettling place to be.
My grandfather passed away in the middle of all of it, and I think I am still coming to terms with the loss. Trying to explain death and dying to a four year old, while trying to keep yourself together is quite a task. CindyLou cut straight to the heart with several of her questions. (Why did he have to die? I liked it when he was alive. Are *you* old/sick? Why do people die?) We tried to be as direct as possible with her, but damn, that was hard. I'm also sad for my grandmother, who has lost her partner of nearly 60 years. It breaks my heart to see her try to pick up the pieces and move on. This loss has also solidified in my mind how important it is to seize this day/this moment, for we may not have a tomorrow.
As for day to day life, we seem to have found a nice groove lately. My schedule has been miraculously corrected (and it only took a couple of years of whining, begging, and groveling), leaving me a little more breathing room at the office. As a result, I've been getting out of the office on time, getting more home time with the kids, and am having, in general, more satisfaction in life. It's funny that everything started improving once I had made the final decision to move on...like an abusive relationship or something. It makes you a little wistful for "what could have been," but it doesn't change the malignancy lurking just beneath the surface. I know the best decision for our family is to move upward and onward from here, but we will have fond memories of this place.
Also, fall is here, my very favorite season, and along with it, college football! Yay for cooler weather, changing leaves, and sweaty men fighting over the pigskin! I'm also really enjoying my most recent crop of patients. I have several this month committed to laboring on their own, and not pestering me for induction starting at 36 weeks. Also in the coming month, I will (hopefully) get to deliver the 3rd baby of one of my favorite patients (I got to deliver 1 and 2!) I feel so privileged to play a part in helping their family grow. So, for now, I am happy. Moving forward in life, enjoying my family, and looking forward to better days ahead. Life is good.
Spinning my wheels
Standing still
It's like running on ice
I only gain a little distance when I fall
How did I become a molecule
In the concrete of this city
Indifferent to my endless motion
In a space too small to see
Nonetheless expected to be
I only get a little attention when I fall
Chorus:
And I'm falling
Falling down
Falling
Falling down
Cursed with reason
In a world so defiant
Without conclusion
This is the story
The story we live out
And it is the moral too
Look at me I'm falling for you
Shaking, crying
Hating lying to myself
I'm tired of telling myself it's OK
To be this tired
This sick and tired of the turns the world takes
And the people that it makes us be
And lately it appears to me that I'm falling down... --"Falling Down" Vertical Horizon
I searched the internet for a complete sound bite/you.tube of this song, because the lyrics, while fabulously apropos to my situation in life, are nothing without the frame of the song. Alas, this song is so old/obscure, it hasn't even an entry! Anyway, 'tis a great song, and it sums up very nicely how I've been feeling these last few weeks. A whole lot of running without a lot to show for it. We have received contracts, had them reviewed, and have all but signed one on the dotted line. Yes, I believe I have found a new job and the start of a whole new chapter in the life of the Whoo family. Hopefully for the better! We have also begun readying the house to put on the market, and begun research on daycares and houses in NewCity. I feel like I can't totally relax until the ink is dry on the paper, yet I am anxious to move forward. It is an unsettling place to be.
My grandfather passed away in the middle of all of it, and I think I am still coming to terms with the loss. Trying to explain death and dying to a four year old, while trying to keep yourself together is quite a task. CindyLou cut straight to the heart with several of her questions. (Why did he have to die? I liked it when he was alive. Are *you* old/sick? Why do people die?) We tried to be as direct as possible with her, but damn, that was hard. I'm also sad for my grandmother, who has lost her partner of nearly 60 years. It breaks my heart to see her try to pick up the pieces and move on. This loss has also solidified in my mind how important it is to seize this day/this moment, for we may not have a tomorrow.
As for day to day life, we seem to have found a nice groove lately. My schedule has been miraculously corrected (and it only took a couple of years of whining, begging, and groveling), leaving me a little more breathing room at the office. As a result, I've been getting out of the office on time, getting more home time with the kids, and am having, in general, more satisfaction in life. It's funny that everything started improving once I had made the final decision to move on...like an abusive relationship or something. It makes you a little wistful for "what could have been," but it doesn't change the malignancy lurking just beneath the surface. I know the best decision for our family is to move upward and onward from here, but we will have fond memories of this place.
Also, fall is here, my very favorite season, and along with it, college football! Yay for cooler weather, changing leaves, and sweaty men fighting over the pigskin! I'm also really enjoying my most recent crop of patients. I have several this month committed to laboring on their own, and not pestering me for induction starting at 36 weeks. Also in the coming month, I will (hopefully) get to deliver the 3rd baby of one of my favorite patients (I got to deliver 1 and 2!) I feel so privileged to play a part in helping their family grow. So, for now, I am happy. Moving forward in life, enjoying my family, and looking forward to better days ahead. Life is good.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)